Breaking news into Land Ark Lit Mag! I know we don’t have a newsroom yet but just listen! First ever ant spotted in Antarctica! It was a carpenter ant! No one knows how it got there! Why isn’t anyone else covering this?! This is beautiful history!

In other news, I still live in a studio apartment. Out of boredom, I have attempted to attract ants of my own, but my attempts have yielded no results. I tried leaving graham cracker crumbs on the floor of my kitchen, but so far all I’ve gotten is a very bitey possum and a woman through my window. She ended up staying the night. Now, I know what you’re thinking, but be cool, readers, it was purely a poetry-based sleepover.  We read “Dante’s Inferno” backwards and then wrote smut on my walls. She said her name was EKB but I don’t know what that stands for. Entertainment King’s Boredom, maybe? Whatever it is, some of her dirty poetry is included in this week’s issue, along with poems about Kenneth Branaugh not being fun at parties, poems about cheese, a review of the movie 127 Hours, and many returns from old favorites such as Cigarette and Sandwich, Gunkus and Tappy, and everyone’s favorite butter apocalypse: Dice World!

I will report back next time with statistics on my apartment’s ant activity. Until then, take solace in the fact that Antarctica is doing better than me, though perhaps not for much longer: my mail order picnic has just arrived.

– Ed.